I have decided, after doing some reading today, that I am a very slow learner. I never thought of myself like that, but I've changed my mind, and the proof is in my journals. Since March of 2006, I have been writing in a journal. I started out just writing scriptures because Joyce Meyer said that we all need to write down scriptures in "longhand" in order to truly internalize them. I believed her, and nine journals later, I'm still going. It has changed my life and changed my faith journey, and I am glad that I listened to her advice and challenge and took it to heart. So what does this have to do with my learning curve? Well . . .
I have been preparing for a women's retreat. This is a first for our very small church, and I'm excited to say that we will have around 12 women participating in an overnight SOW experience . . . Sisters of Worship, that is. As I began to prepare, I remembered some notes I once took when listening to Beth Moore on TV, notes that would help me as I led a portion of our study. So yesterday I began digging back through my journals from the last year, trying desperately to find those notes. This morning I started looking again, and there it was . . . May 2009 (I have a pretty good memory when something hits close to home!). Well, the notes are exactly what I needed, but what I noticed while while searching was my "a-ha" moment: over and over and over I've written some of the same lessons -- lessons from devotionals, lessons from sermons, lessons from TV pastors, and conferences, and Sunday School lessons. Over and over I saw a pattern of Biblical teachings, and so today I'm asking myself a question: why in the world did I not get the lesson the very first time I heard it? Why didn't I say to myself, "Wow, that's important, and I'm sure glad I won't have to deal with that one again,"? But I didn't. It's the nature of our humanity, and I'm just glad that God kept sending the same messages until I got them!
Just last week, Satan tried very hard to bother me, attacking in the same spot in which he loves to attack when I'm vulnerable, which is the middle of the night. He loves to send me into a time of worry, and I've really worked hard to learn that worry is useless, and I don't have to worry when I trust God. So that night, I got up, went to my latest journal, read something I had written the day before about not giving away my confidence, and I prayed. After that intense time (at 1:25 A.M., BTW), I was able to trust God and sleep. Well, when I looked back through those five journals this week, guess what lesson I saw repeatedly? Don't cast away your confidence. Well, duh! When I wrote that lesson last week and journaled accompanying scriptures, I would have bet the farm that it was the first time I had written those verses in this context, but NO. Not so. So now, the question is this: do I beat myself up for being a slow learner, or do I praise God wildly for being so patient and willing to send me His Word at the right time for the right situation? Well, I might be slow, but I do know the answer to that one, and I am surely praising God!
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