Friends Are Not Always Friends, and Other Sad Truths

I am mad today, and my normally peace-keeping nature has metamorphosed into my husband, Dan, who has no fear of saying anything. (It feels pretty good, too!) I read something this morning about the star of "Glee" who passed away; it said that he was "out with friends" before he died. The person who posted it on Facebook said this: "Sad that he was out with "friends" before his death. It saddens me that one's "friends" are too often one' enemies." She is right, and this hit way too close to home for me. Our nephew just spent the last year living with us, after spending five long years in prison. He made bad choices, all driven by his need for drugs. He is an addict, and that is his responsibility. No excuses. But during his prison time and the last year of his life, he stayed clean. He worked, he enjoyed family, and he bought a car. But then the worst happened: he moved away to live with a friend, and I use that term sarcastically. This "friend," as it turns out, has had problems with meth. And now? Our nephew's life has fallen apart. I will spare you the horrific details, and I completely understand that he is responsible for his choices. However, a good friend would know that he is an addict and needed to stay away from drugs at all cost. Instead, he has been introduced to a new drug of choice. He is now in jail on a simple charge(not for the drugs), but he is incoherent to the point that a mental evaluation is being ordered. He has been there since Friday evening, and he still can't have a coherent conversation. That's what meth does to a person. It confuses, it destroys, it kills. I called the jail yesterday to see if I could talk with him, thinking that hearing a familiar voice might bring him back, but the drug has left him so out of control that they can't take him to a phone. They told me that I would be ill-advised to try to bring him home to rehab because he might hurt me on the trip. Sad? Yes. Angry? I am furious. I'm furious with him for not loving himself more. But way more than that, I'm furious with his "friend" who claims to love him. I realize that the friend could not stop him from doing what he wanted to do. He is a grown adult. But the "friend" got high with him, and that's not what you do with your friend when you know he is an addict. It opened a door for disaster. Yesterday I talked with his friend, and he wants to get our nephew out of jail. In his words,"But I can't stand the idea of him being in jail. I have to get him." Well, that's when I turned into Dan. Tough love says that you leave him there until he is clear enough not to hurt himself anymore. Tough love says you leave him there where mental health counselors are trying to assist him. Tough love says you leave him there so he is warm, dry and fed after weeks of being homeless with his "friend." Tough love says you don't bail someone out because you feel sorry for him. You make hard decisions that are in a person's best interests, and our nephew needs to stay there where he is safe from himself and can clear his head and until we can formulate a plan for rehab. I am tired and I am angry, and I want our nephew to have a chance at a new life. This "friend" might need to stay clear of me right now. If you have someone in your life who claims to be your friend but is not healthy for you, run in the other direction. You can love that person from afar, but you do not have to stand by and let them destroy you. If your friend suggests things that that are not good for you, he/she is NOT YOUR FRIEND! If your son or daughter has a "friend" that sounds like the one I've talked about, intervene now before it is too late. Moms and dads, if your gut tells you that someone in your child's life is dangerous, listen to your gut! Don't apologize or be kind because you want to be your child's buddy. Intervene mightily and hang on tenaciously. The world, I have sadly learned more than once, is full of "friends" who seek to destroy. What they call "love" is nothing like the love I feel from God and to others because of His love for me. Real love wants the best and always puts the other's welfare first. Anything less is not okay. Today I am praying that my nephew comes out of this. I am praying that his "friend" gets help. I am praying that it won't be too late to save a life; my God is bigger than this and I am counting on His supernatural healing this morning. I am also counting on His strength to administer the tough love needed to save a life. I am standing on the power of the blood of Jesus, and there is not a "friend" in the world who will get in my way because I am clinging to the only friend that really matters: Jesus. Please pray with me that my nephew and others will find the love of God to fill the vacuum in their hearts with a Father's love. It's the only thing that matters.